


The Monster is Passed On

by Blue_hare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Grumpy Old Men, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-01-11 23:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18434114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_hare/pseuds/Blue_hare
Summary: “This is him then?”“Yes. This is the boy. The son of that...teacher.”Its a meeting that never happened between two Lieges.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote another...I really should have not.

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“This way my Lord.” 

They were lead down a long hallway where they stopped at the third to last doorway. 

The guard knocked announcing that they had a visitor and then pushed open the door.

It was a sparse room with only a small side drawer, a chair and a desk, and a small cot, in which the current occupier rested. 

He was a small boy with neat blonde hair parted to the side. 

He looked up when the door opened, pushing forth so that his socked feet dangled over the edge of the cot. He looked too “neat” and expectant with his hands resting in his lap. 

“This is him then?” 

“Yes. This is the boy. The son of that...teacher.” 

The boy looked up at that. He'd recognize the tone the guard had used. It was one, the older children in his Father's classroom always used to say “eyebrows” with. He glared at the guard. His eyes were very blue, almost glowing, with the red around the rim. He’d been crying since they brought him here, the guard had told the Lord. 

He watched, with suspicious eyes, as the “Lord” moved forward, in front of him. 

He was a small and waif man. His hair long, the longest he'd seen any man wear his hair before. The most peculiar thing was that the color was silver and the man's eyes they were... violet. 

“Don't be afraid.” the Lord said, His voice was soft and smooth. “I’m not going to hurt you.” 

The blue-eyed boy with red-rimmed eyes looked back with a disbelieving face. 

There was something about this boy. The look, he had, very similar to that of his Fathers. But, there was something else to it. This boy was young, very young, and yet, there was an old and wise gleam present in his blue eyes. It made the Lord pause, as he reached with his left arm and placed his hand on the boys head. 

“Look at me.” 

The boy was already looking at him. 

_Please. Please. Let it work. Let what happened with his father simply be a fluke._

The Lord felt a vacuum surge within him. He felt tendrils of an unknown, familiar force reach for the boy. 

They faced each other, gazes locked. 

Red- rimmed blue and glowing violet. 

A moment, a long moment, passed in silence. 

The Lord withdrew his hand reluctantly. 

He cast his violet eyes downward and noticed that the boy had blue socks with tiny green dots. 

He couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t dare meet his gaze. 

He got up from where he had crouched down and, very nearly, patted the boys blonde head until he remembered…

He walked out, brushing past the tense guard, not once turning around to look at the boy on the bed. 

To witness his reaction. 

The Lord stepped through the doorway at last. Feeling like he could collapse under his failure. 

“It didn’t work.” 

He looked to the side. 

He was standing next to the wall, so very relaxed that it was almost a lean. 

The Lord wanted to ask how did he…? 

The man stepped forth so that he towered over the Lord. Their difference in height nearly double. 

This close, the Lord could smell the iron on the tall man's long coat. _Could nearly taste it,_ as he reached with long, callused fingers, to wipe away at the tears sliding down silently from his violet eyes. 

_Oh._

“Tch, you're always so fucking quick to cry.” 

His gentle touch antithesis to harshness of his tone, the vulgarity of his words. 

The Lord leaned into his touch. His small fingers reaching out to grip the material of his trench coat. 

He finds that he can breath again. The weight of his failure lightening with the tall man so very _close_ to him. 

The tall man retreats, placing his hat back on his head. He turns around, his coat moving so very graceful, as he does so. 

“Wait for me downstairs.” 

He orders as he takes long steps to the room. The door is closed again. 

The Lord hesitates, biting his lip. A habit that has persisted since childhood. 

The tall man’s hand is on the door knob and the Lord can see the flash of his silver blade. 

He feels sick. 

He has never failed before. Not since…

_He is only a child._

He _calls, pleads, screams_ to the many voices in his head. 

“Kenny.” 

He feels dizzy, his eyes stinging, his heart thundering uncontrollably in his weak chest. 

The tall man stops and looks as the Lord steps to him and through the doorway. 

The boy is looking at him, them. Eyes very wide and definitive. 

“I’m going to prison, aren’t I?” 

It shocks every one of the adults and leaves them silent. 

The boy slides down from the bed and puts his small hands forward, in offering. 

The Lord feels a lump surfacing in his throat. The loud, demanding voices in his head quieting, at last. He stumbles forth, ignoring the “Hey!” from Kenny and the guard. 

“No.” He says, kneeling as he takes the childs trembling hands in his own. 

_So very small._

“Why would you think that?” he pleads. 

“Because I’m a murderer.” 

The Lord wants to vomit at the complete acceptance and belief in the child’s voice. 

“No, no. You are not!” he vehemently tries to convince the boy. 

But the boy only shakes his head as if nothing could convince him of the truth, of his _undeniable guilt._

“I killed my father.” 

Kenny snorts and rolls his eyes, his grip on his knife tightening. 

The boy watches the Lord shake his head silently. He is unable to find anything to say to the boy. 

“The blood on the bottom of your feet. It’s my Fathers. I know it.” he continues. 

The Lord freezes looking to the doorway and at the crimson footprints leading from and back to the entrance. 

_Oh, God!_

“Oi! Oi!” 

It's Kenny. 

He is gripping his shoulder. He’s so thankful for that. The Lord feels on the verge of fainting. 

When he looks at the boy he has frozen and is deathly white at Kenny standing so close. 

_Fix this!_

The voice is familiar in the Lords head. 

He will, he replies back. _I will._

He fixes his gaze on the boy once more. The Lord finds speaking an unbelievable effort as though the hundreds of voices as preventing him from doing so. 

“My name is Uriel Reiss.” he swallows down bile. “I would like to become your guardian.” 

The boys eyes are wide. 

“Do you know what that is? A guardian?” 

“Yes. I know.” he is scrunching up his bushy eyebrows in confusion. “Why?” 

“I...I run an orphanage and I would like you to come and stay there.” Kenny roll his eyes and huffs in exasperation. 

The boy looks at him and then back at the Lord. 

“Aren’t I going to be punished?” He asks confused. 

“No. No, you’ve already been punished enough.” Lord Reiss replies. 

“Oh.” The boy looks lost. He takes a deep breathe before extending his hand forward. 

“My name is Erwin Smith.” 

Kenny makes a face at all the pish-posh politeness from the brat. 

“It's good to meet you Erwin Smith.” Lord Reiss shakes his small hand, glad it is no longer trembling. 

“You can call me Uri.” 

For the first time the boy smiles and Uri is charmed to see that, on his left cheek, a dimple has formed. 

“Kenny, Erwin.” Uri rises, feeling light.

“Let’s go home. “ 

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	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm sorry but I messed up when I posted this chapter. Here is a re-post.

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The ride back to the Reiss family grounds is quiet. 

_“Stupid, naive fool.”_

____

He wonders if his older brother, Rod, had been right, when he called him that. 

____

Back then, the voices had not been so loud or so full of disdain and aggression. He'd assumed that it must of have been because Kenny is an Ackerman. 

____

In the vast depth of hazy memories, Uri had not seen an encounter between an Ackerman and a Reiss. Not in any of the years after the King erased all traces of the outside world. 

____

Their families, once entwined and loyal to each other, turned bitter enemies ever since the King took to the walls and robbed the people living within them, of their memories. He can’t help but wonder, had the Ackerman family known what the King planned, before he trapped them in the Walls, would they have still followed him? Or, if they would have chosen to remain behind, in Marley, like the others had? 

____

_It would have been better for them._

____

Maybe for _all_ of them. 

____

If that had happened, if the King had not been so selfish, so arrogant to think that the Ackermans would follow his every whim and order, simply because of almost 2000 years of loyalty, then maybe there would have been another way. Maybe, if he had rewarded their loyalty and trust with his own then, perhaps, they would have found a way to get rid of the titans together. 

____

Maybe the Reiss family would not have fractured and separated so spectacularly. Maybe, peace would have been possible with the rest of the world. 

____

But, it did not happen. 

____

_Fix this!_

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Uri alone, is left to try and achieve a measure of peace within the walls. 

____

_Trust me, Brother. I won’t lose to the ghosts of our ancestors._

____

The promise, between him and his brother, of freeing humanity and riding the world of titans, another flimsy lie. Maybe if Rod had been the one to inherit the Founding Titan power, he would have been strong enough to do it. To overcome the memories of their ancestors and the will of the King. 

____

Perhaps Uri was simply too weak to do it. 

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_Fix this!_

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Their voices continue to play like a never-ending mantra in his head. 

____

His ghosts are enraged. 

____

They continue to punish him with their incessant and mindless voices. It feels like his skull is being scratched on by thousands of human nails. They want to get out, to take over, to have him _fix_ another one of his mistakes. 

____

Uri thinks back to his meeting with Kenny. About how bloodthirsty _he_ and _they_ had been. 

____

That thirst for blood and violence halted the moment when he reached for Kenny’s mind. For his memories. 

____

He hadn’t understood then, why he could not alter them. Not until a memory floated from the recesses of his infinite mind. The image played before him, behind the violet glow of his eyes. 

____

It was an old memory. One of the oldest he’d seen but, new as well, for it had not surfaced for any other of the Reiss inheritors, until then. Until _they_ locked eyes. 

____

It was of two young girls, one with dark hair, one with light hair. They were playing beneath the blooms of a tree, the branches nearly bowing with the weight of them. 

____

“Can you see it?” the ancient voice asked. 

____

He'd whispered that he could and when he asked what it was, the voice replied. 

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“A bond.” 

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Just like that, Uri understood. The knowledge flowing through time, to him. 

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_A bond._

____

The young girls squealed with delight as the wind blew, scattering the petals around them, like confetti. The thread wound up around them, glowing before it shimmered away. The smell of magnolia flowers was sweet, the thread flashed and shimmered, as the memory sank back to drown among the others. 

____

_An Ackerman._

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And when he threw the knife, Uri raised his arm to block the hit. 

____

No matter what, his eyes could not sustain damage. 

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Then he kneeled before him, because Uri _understood._

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The Reiss had done this man's family irreparable damage. He deserved an apology, no matter that it would do nothing, that it would be but useless words, Uri had to try. There were so many things that he could no longer do freely, but this, he would do. 

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“Please forgive me. Even within such tiny walls, to be unable to build Paradise...I’m a fool.” 

____

He felt it before he looked back up. 

____

The thread winked and shimmered in the dying sunlight, curling among the emerald blades of grass, between him and Kenny Ackerman. 

Just like the thread between those two young girls. 

____

The voices are different now. 

____

He is no Ackerman. There is nothing to gain from sparring this child's life and _they know it._

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“Ungh.” 

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There’s a moment when Uri’s vision blurs before fixing itself. 

____

When he blinks his violet eyes, it is a different view, a different place. 

____

He is no longer staring at the red-rimmed blues eyes that belong to the young Erwin Smith. It’s an entirely different place, altogether. One, he had caught glimpses of in memories. 

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Whose?

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He is not sure. It could be any one of his ghosts memories. 

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The ground is soft and shifting beneath him. 

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_Sand._

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When Uri raises his head from the ground, the sky is alight with thousands of stars. They twinkle at him and he feels a slight bit better. Whenever he has found himself here, in this memory that belongs to others, he feels more in control. _Free_ from the weight of the power he posses. 

____

In the distant night sky, he can spot the aurora begin. 

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It glows violet and silver before turning a familiar blue color. 

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Uri’s eyes widen and he inhales the cold, desert air. 

____

He is a bystander as the scene unfolds before him. 

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This memory...It’s different from the others. 

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It does not surface. It stretches before him. 

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Like a path. 

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He sees the tall figure of a blonde man; his arm stretched forth, the tip of his sword glints in the setting sun, the empty sleeve of his uniform flaps and waves in the wind. They are standing at the very top of the wall. 

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_Rose. It’s Rose._

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“The final operation to retake Wall Maria will now commence!” 

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His voice echoes all around. Such a deep, commanding voice that it makes Uri shiver in dreaded anticipation. 

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The image shifts. 

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He watches as the man mounts his white steed in a fast and practiced movement. The emerald cape flutters behind him and, it is then, that Uri sees the pair of wings embossed on it. 

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One silver. One blue. 

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The light from the dying sun paints the man in a golden, white light. It blinds Uri and he blinks his eyes against the brightness. 

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The grounds shifts beneath him and he hears, echoing in the distance, the man’s voice ring. 

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“Advance!” 

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He hears his name being called from around him. When he cannot find the direction of that voice, he follows the _thread_ and he is back again. 

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“Uri. Uri!” 

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When he breathes, he finds that he can’t. Instead, he chokes and in the back of his throat, he tastes iron. 

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_Blood?_

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It streams from his nose and crimson drops fall onto his shaking hands. 

____

As he raises them, despite the uncontrollable trembling, to wipe the hot blood away before it reaches the seam of his mouth, he hears Kenny speak. 

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“Stop.” 

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Kenny’s hand is there, a steadying, solid hold on his wrist; pressing gently, firmly, on the hyper beat of his pulse. 

____

As always, Kenny’s presence is grounding, acting like an anchor for Uri’s itinerant mind. It’s easier to focus on the _here,_ on the _now,_ with him so close. 

____

Uri hears him shift around but does not turn to him. The rustling of his coat sounds like the crisp leaves of autumn. 

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_Autumn...I love autumn._

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His thoughts aren’t all there yet. It takes some time for his mind to settle. 

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“Fuck.” Kenny mutters. 

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He has never sought reason to carry a handkerchief with him and as a consequence has nothing to offer Uri. 

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“Here.” 

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_Blue. A familiar blue._

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The small hand holds out a handkerchief to Uri. 

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Uri stares, violet eyes wide. 

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_Blue._

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Erwin’s eyes remind him of the aurora glowing brightly in that other reality’s sky. 

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Kenny narrows his eyes, feeling annoyed at the brat, and snatches the handkerchief from Erwin’s hand. Quickly, he turns Uri’s head his way and he proceeds to press the white cloth to his nose. It immediately becomes saturated with blood. 

____

_Kenny’s eyes. They are blue too._

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Not silver, not all grey, as Uri had initially believed. 

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With his eyes narrowed, Kenny watches Uri’s eyes lose their brightness, that strange glow that always overcomes them, whenever his mind wanders. This, it’s the first time he’s bled. He never has before. 

____

_That fucking idiot._ If only he’d let him take care of that brat as well! 

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“Are you alright?” 

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Uri is not sure who asks him but he nods. 

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The voices echo in his head, louder and fainter, all at once. 

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_Fix this!_

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He can make out the voice more clearly now. 

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_It’s Father._

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Uri can’t help it and he lets out a whimper. 

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Kenny stares, a growing sense of panic pooling in his gut and setting alarm bells in his head. 

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_Ah, fucking, shitting shit!._

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Uri’s eyes are welling with tears and Kenny feels desperate and without looking he asks. 

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“Hey, Brat, ya got any more fancy rags with ya?” 

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Erwin watches, startled and unsure, as one man cries and the other panics. 

____

At Kenny’s harsher second inquiry, he begins to dig through his small bag, the one the guard had given back to him. He finds a second handkerchief and hands it over to Kenny. Blue eyes stare, very confusedly, as Kenny then proceed to clean Uri’s face. 

____

Erwin did not know that adults could be very strange. 

____

It’s very odd (and amusing) to watch Kenny, awkwardly, hold one handkerchief to Uri’s nose and use the other to dab at his eyes. 

____

_He must not know how to do it._ Erwin muses.

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He remembers his father petting his head whenever he was upset. So, with that thought in mind, he stands up from his seat, and moves slowly, for the carriage ride is bumpy, to where Uri is sitting and pets his head. 

____

“It’s okay. It’s okay. Tomorrow will be a new day.” 

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He repeats the gesture and words the same as his Father had done for him and hopes he is doing it right. You see, Erwin, has never comforted anyone, as well. He never had any friends to begin with. 

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This small gesture overwhelms Uri, and he must really be a weakling, for he can't help but think of his mother running her hands through his hair, as a child. 

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He finds the strength to brush Kenny’s hands away from his face and turns to look at Erwin. 

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“I’m okay.” He smiles. “I’m sorry if I scared you both.” 

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He looks at Kenny and squeezes his hand. 

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“I promise, I really am.” 

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Kenny pulls his hand away and turns to look out the window, murmuring a “Tsk” beneath his breath. Uri smiles wiping his nose clean of any snot and blood, happy that he has gotten to know and learn Kenny’s habits and tells. 

____

A bond may be present between them but he cannot use it to read Kenny’s thoughts. For now, he is content to know that, whenever Kenny pulls his hat over his face like that, it’s because he’s embarrassed. 

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“Thank you for letting me borrow these.” Uri says turning to Erwin. “I promise I will wash them and return them to you. Now, please go back and sit down. I don’t want you to fall over.” 

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Erwin nods at him before taking his seat. 

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“Are you sure you're okay?” He asks. 

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Uri nods back. 

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“What about him.” He points at Kenny. Uri stares back, his brow knitted. 

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“His ears are red.” 

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Kenny turns back to look at Erwin, absolutely furious at his astute observation. 

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Uri can't help but laugh. 

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_Indeed, they are._

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“You fucking know-it-all brat!” 

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“It’s Erwin.” 

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“It’s Erwin.” Kenny mouths back, imitating Erwin's child voice, in a prissy manner. 

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Uri watches, riveted, as Erwin’s face goes from reprimanding to highly offended to completely astounded. 

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“You…” His small face turns a bright red. “You. You're mean!” 

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“Ha!” 

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Kenny’s response seems to further upset Erwin because he continues. 

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“You’re not nice and you shouldn’t say so many swear words and...And you smell funny!” 

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There’s a beat of silence. Erwin is breathless as he waits for a response from the two stunned men. 

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Before Kenny can respond back, that last statement hitting a nerve, Uri claps his hand over his mouth. 

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“Stop it! Both of you.” He looks at them. Erwin who is used to hearing adults use that particular tone, knows what's coming. 

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“Apologize to each other.” 

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Kenny shoves Uri’s hand away. 

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“Fuck me, if you think I’m saying sorry for anything. Little shit has no manners.” 

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Erwin sits back and crosses his arms with a petulant pout on his face. 

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“I’m not going to apologize either.” He declares. “I didn’t say any bad words and I didn’t tell any lies.” 

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Uri is baffled, unused to this sort of situation. Being raised as a Lord’s son he has always had people obey his order, not that he ever abused such power, but it unsettles him to have these two disobey him. Kenny, thus far, has always done as he’s been told and Erwin is a child. Besides that, it’s not like he can force them. He doesn’t wield that kind of power over them. 

____

_Oh!_

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He does not have such power over them. 

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How amazing and frustrating it is to realize this. When he looks to them, both are looking in complete opposite directions. 

____

This must be the reason why _they_ were so angry. 

____

Uri doesn’t have any power over them; Kenny, by virtue of being a descendant of the Ackerman warrior family and Erwin…

____

Uri frowns, realizing he has not thought of a reason why that is, until now. 

____

Why is it that he could not erase Mr. Smiths or his sons memories? 

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To his knowledge, neither belong to the Ackerman family or to the nobility immune to the Founding power. There is another possibility but he dismisses it. Erwin looks nothing like an Oriental. He frowns and turns his head to gaze at the pouting child. In the back of his mind, there is one other explanation...the Reiss family had splintered long ago. 

____

But. 

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Even, _if,_ that were true, Uri would _know._

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_They would let him know._

____

The memory of the young girls, beneath the tree, plays in the back of his head. 

That memory surfaced when he first locked eyes with Kenny. It was meant to guide him. Like many of the decisions Uri had made, _they_ had made them before and so those memories surfaced to offer him a path to follow. 

______ _ _

Uri’s eyes are wide and his heart beats in the cage of his ribs. 

______ _ _

Those memories have always _surfaced_ because they are from the past. 

______ _ _

That memory.

______ _ _

_The man bathed in golden light by the dying sunset._

______ _ _

To which of his ancestors did it belong to? 

______ _ _

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you for the reads and Kudos. This work is separate from Acknowledgements, I was just inspired by Pixis and Levi's discussion on Erwin's family. It was such a huge what if? that I had to expand on it. >.< I decided I'm going to try to aim for 4 pages per chapter from now on so I went back and added to this chapter. My point of mentioning the so called Ackerbonds may differ from the manga, although even the source has been somewhat vague (what Isa said in interview vs what Eren said). I want to highlight Kenny and Uri's bond and explore it further seeing as they have a "true bond" so to speak. I find them really interesting. I will most likely focus on them first especially Uri, and largely Erwin's relationship with Levi will be through his eyes...to an extent. I also took Isayamas take on Levi being an un-tethered balloon with Erwin death as inspo for Uri/Kenny relationship. Theirs will be in opposite with Kenny being Uri's anchor. This led to further thoughts on Mikasa/Eren...what are they right now? I'm leaning to both being anchors that's why, to me at least, they feel like they weigh/drag the other down. Their bond, imo, is not balanced. Anyway I will stop at that cuz I could go on forever LoL. So I added more info on how I believe Uri's memories work blah blah as well as other things. Let me know if you found this chapter better and point out some mistakes. I don't have a beta you see...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The silence is sinister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with me everyone. It's been tough these last 3 weeks.

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“So when are you going to tell that douche bag big brother of yours about that smart-mouth brat?” 

It’s a fair question. One, that even after a month of Kenny’s continued asking, Uri has not been able to answer. 

He pauses mid-sip, a dribble of tea spilling down his chin. He’s become quicker, he'd liked to think a bit more refined, preparing when it comes to Kenny’s inevitable question. Realistically, that’s far from the truth. Uri has come to suspect that Kenny picks the worst timing or, perhaps. the best, to ask it. 

He wipes his chin and when he looks over, annoyed at Kenny, he merely raises his eyebrow back. 

_Persistent and blase as always._

He looks away, ignoring Kenny’s snort, and sighs. 

Maybe he should have just gotten it done with when they first got back to the Reiss owned lands. He _had_ considered it but, at the mere thought of Rods reaction, he had quickly dismissed it and urged the driver to head straight to his cottage. 

He'd asked Rod to have it built, separate and far, from the absurdly large building that had been called “home” by many of their Reiss ancestors. He wanted _needed_ the privacy and the distance from that house...and his elder brother. 

Besides being absurdly large, that house had been too drafty and creaked and groaned something terrible. He'd never liked it, not even as a child. Especially, after a young and gullible, Uri had been told by Rod that there lived ghost’s with them. That all those noises were them, walking as they wandered the hallways on the second floor at night. It was an easy story to believe, especially for an imaginative and whimsical Uri. Whenever Uri would walk the second floor hallways, in the late evenings, he'd never fail to break into a cold sweat. On the short winter days, when the sun would vanish early, they seemed endless. 

Even in daylight he hated roaming the hallways of the upper level. The walls had all been lined up, on both sides, with portraits of their ancestors. Each time he walked them, he felt the hair on his neck stand on end. He was sure Rod hated those hallways too, for he'd always bully him into fetching anything that Mother or Father wanted from the library upstairs. There was just something incredibly overbearing about those Reiss portraits. Their frozen gazes always judgemental and oppressive. He felt their gazes follow him, weighing him down as if they had known something he didn’t. 

The cottage, deep in the woods of the Reiss grounds, was perfect for him. It had 3 rooms upstairs and a bathroom. A kitchen was attached on the side and a small living area. Along with the kitchen and living area, for Uri, a study filled with piles and piles of books. A smaller room had also been built on the bottom floor. He'd given one of the upstairs rooms to Erwin, the one with the circular window near the apricot tree and the only one that had a third spare bed. 

At the sight of the cottage, Uri was sure he had not imagined the look of confusion on Erwin's face as they finally arrived. He’d held his tongue about the orphanage though, at least until the end of the third day. More than enough for Uri to prepare and answer. 

Uri had told him that because _he_ was specifically his guardian, he didn't have to live in the orphanage like the other children. 

“Oh. Alright.” He moved his spoon around his porridge, a considering look still present on his face. 

“What about school? Am I allowed to go to school?” He paused his stirring and looked down to his lap, twisting his hands. In a quiet voice he said. “I was going to start the fifth level soon.” 

It caught Uri off guard. He had not been prepared or had even given any thought to education of any sort. Not since his own private tutors during childhood. 

“I thought you were seven years old, Erwin?” 

“I am but my Pa---” He’d gone absolutely still and quiet. 

He barely finished his breakfast that morning and later, during lunch, he cites a belly ache and was absent from the table. It made Uri lose his own appetite but Kenny forced him to eat anyway. 

“Stop punishing yourself. There's nothing you can do about that now. Eat or I’ll force feed you like a baby.” 

The meal had been tasteless. 

Uri wishes he could change so many things. 

His, is an existence full of regrets. Those belonging to him and those that did not. 

He contacts his old tutors and two days later he informs Erwin that he will be taught his lessons privately. He seems in spirits about that. It makes it harder when Uri also informs him of his Father's funeral. It will be held exactly a week after his death. A proper burial and a chance for Erwin to say goodbye to him is the least Uri can offer them both. 

“I can't come with you Erwin. Kenny will accompany you.” 

He knew Kenny wasn't happy about that at all but he still agreed to it. Erwin is still hesitant about Kenny, they hardly talk when Kenny is present, but he nods his head. 

The carriage comes to pick them up in the early morning and he watches the pair depart from the doorway. He'd given Erwin a bouquet of white lilies. 

The image of the young boy dressed in black had reminded him of his mother’s funeral. He'd been older than Erwin but he felt like a child as they lowered her coffin to the ground. 

He waits all day by the window only getting up to fetch his reading books but, even so, he doesn't get any reading done. 

When the carriage gets back, Erwin has gone quiet again, and he retires to his room without speaking to anyone. Kenny doesn’t stay that evening and Uri wishes he had. If only so he wouldn’t have to hear the muffled sobs coming from Erwin’s room alone. Uri knows he can't do that to Kenny, not when he has already asked so much of him. 

He should bare witness to Erwin’s anguished cries alone. Afterall, it was him that caused them. 

Uri does not remember when he falls asleep. 

He gets up when Kenny knocks loudly on his door. His pillow is soaked with tears and the underside of his nails are covered in dried blood. He washes his hands before going downstairs and makes sure neither of his forearms show the long and deep scratches. Kenny had been more vigilant since his bloody nose and these would only further escalate it. 

Kenny had roused up Erwin too and had bullied him onto his seat on the table. His hair was a mess and his eyes swollen after crying for so long. 

“Eat.” Kenny orders them. “You crybabies are fu---damn lucky I even came over to make you breakfast.” 

They do so quietly and slowly. It’s hard to swallow after so much grief but Kenny watches them like a hawk and only lets them leave once their plates were clear. 

Slowly, with the promise of school lessons, Erwin spirits pick up, and, with them, Uri’s do as well. They settle into a routine of breakfast and then morning lessons, lunch, afternoon lessons and then their evening meal. 

Governess Verena has only good things to say about Erwin. Uri has the grace to feel ashamed when he remembers how much of a daydreamer he'd been and how much of a nuisance his elder brother had been. He’d always thought the governess had a sour face and rigid disposition. It seems it was only due to unruly and unwilling pupils. 

While Erwin is in lessons and Kenny is left to his own devices, Uri spends his time searching through the Reiss family records for anything related to failed memory alteration. He doesn’t find any, only lists of Noble family names associated with the Fritz and the Reiss. He goes as far as to have the public records of the commoner families only to wind up with the same result. 

He has little luck when it comes to his memories as well. All his induced ventures into those memories only ever leave him with a bloody nose and a bad headache. He hasn’t ever tried to delve into the ocean of memories by himself, aware that he will need Kenny for that. To do so alone, he would drown himself in those depths. 

What's more is that the voices are absent. Even the low buzzing that had always been present in the back of his mind is no more. He never thought he would miss it. In the past Uri would have done anything to achieve what he now has, peace of mind. But, the quiet unsettless him. 

The silence is _sinister._

He has trouble getting a good night’s rest. Uri thinks he might be tossing and turning, so much so, that he’s managed to give himself bruises on the corners of the side drawer, and of the bedpost. In the mornings, purple and blue welts cover his hip bones and arms. There was even a swollen toe once. He has since moved the drawer farther away and laid blankets around the bedpost. Regardless of the precautions, the bruises continue to accumulate and exhaustion plagues him. 

Sleep no longer provides a mode of comfort. 

He’s been staying up late on nights when Kenny has to see to other business in tandem with his family. He hopes that if he prolongs sleep, his mind will grow exhausted enough that his restlessness will cease. 

Tonight is one of those nights. Kenny had left midday for Trost. 

When he turns in for the night his eyes are incredibly heavy with sleep. It’s a struggle to rid himself of his robes and dress in his nightgown. Uri thinks of tomorrow being exactly one month since he took in Erwin. He falls asleep thinking of time passing by so very fast. Especially for him. 

Uri wakes up in a dream, surrounded by an eerie violet light. 

He blinks realizing that he _has_ dreamed. He has been dreaming...its just that he has forgotten them. Even now he cant recall them only that he has had them.

“How strange…”

This one is odd...odder than the rest. 

He's laying on stone…? No. A wall. 

He has the ephemeral vision of that memory from the carriage. 

The man on the wall. The one outlined in golden light. 

“This is Rose. Wall Rose.” 

Uri looks to the side. He lays right in the middle of the top of wall Rose. When he looks up he grasps that the violet light comes from the sky. The sky from that place. The one filled with stretches of sand dunes. 

“...to retake Wall Maria….mmenc…” 

The voice echoes around him and it is immediately overshadowed and drowned out by the whisper _murmurs_ of familiar voices. 

The sky appears to stretch further away from Uri and still the loud cacophony of whispers emerge from the sky. Loud, angry, gleeful. 

“Strange.” 

When Uri tries to get up he finds that he can’t. He panics and when he turns his head he no longer can’t. The panic settles as easily as it came. The sky moves further away from him or is it the wall? He can't tell. He feels his arms move and stretch to that faraway sky. He notices now that it’s no longer violet. It's blue. That same blue from that memory. 

The sky glows brightly. Far too bright for Uri that he blinks his eyes. 

His hands are still stretched and now they are clenching around air, tightly. 

Squeezing the air bizzarely. 

The sky blinks black and blue and black and blue. 

Uri finds it dizzying. That shift from pitch black to bright blue. 

_Familiar. So familiar._

Nothing makes sense. 

Uri is mesmerized by the way his arms and hands move on their own. Free of his will. 

How nice it is to not fight, to just be. 

The remains of the scars on his forearms burn. Something slithers around his them, around his wrists. 

A vine of blue and yellow roses. 

Their thorns dig into his skin savagely, desperately. 

The blood slides down his arms. 

The Sky blinks pitch black...blue...pitch black...blue. In the distance he can hear thumping...like drums. Furious and fast. 

It's so peaceful. It’s so strange. 

He can't feel the pain from the thorns, as if his body and mind have disconnected. 

The sky takes longer to blink back to blue...the drumming is silencing...the vines of blue and yellow roses begin to wither. 

Uri is breathing rapidly, he's exhausted as he stares at the pitch black before him. 

He awakens. 

The voices _whispers_ are back and full of gleeful satisfaction. 

Uri screams. 

_KENNY!_

When Uri next opens his eyes, Kenny is before him. 

He appears winded as if he’d been running. 

He is saying something but Uri can't understand, can't hear at all. 

He rocks back and forth in the corner. Kenny peels his arms away from his knees. He stares at the scratches on them. Still red, some still bleeding. 

He sees Kenny ask a question. 

“Oh, God.” he hears himself say over and over again. 

He withdraws his hands from Kenny’s and clenches them over his ears. 

Kenny leaves him with, wide and long, hurried steps up the stairs. 

_Shut up! Be quiet!_

But they won’t. They are all celebrating. 

Uri closes his eyes, the tears sliding endlessly down his cheeks. 

He can see it. 

He awoken to his hands squeezing tightly around Erwin's small neck. He had straddled him, to keep him from lurching up, to keep him from fighting. 

He had screamed falling to the side and backing far away, stumbling out from the room. 

His face was blue and he’d been so still, tears sliding from his closed eyes, saliva from his mouth. 

Uri couldn’t stay there, couldn’t face what he had done. What _they_ had made him do. 

The silence had been sinister, the noise gleeful. 

Uri rocks back and forth, his arms covered in a desperate and frightened child’s scratches. 

Kenny comes back, eyes wide in disbelief. 

“He’s gone. 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this what you expected? I had fun with how Uri and his/their memories/dreams work. Let me know if you have thought about how they could possible work.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Promise you will never do that again Erwin. Promise me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer but it was necessary. Warning for child abuse/strangulation.

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He’d seen them after school by chance. 

Upon a tree he had comfortably taken a seat, the book he'd been reading spread open on his crossed legs, small back leaning against it’s rough bark. It was the cajoling chatter that had first roused him from trickster wizards and brave and curious young princelings and their only rowdy thief of a friend. 

He held his breath, sure that they had found him and would pelt pebbles and sticks at him. They had done that before, until they grew tired or their mothers called them home. Erwin was _ever popular_ with his much older classmates. They hated him, he was sure, never mind that his father insisted that they did not. 

He’d smiled back humoring his _Papa._

He followed his Father's advice to hold his ground - “But don't fight back Erwin.” When that didn't work, he stopped telling him about the torment and hurtful things his classmates did or said. It’s just that... his father didn't understand that there was _something wrong_ with him. His kind father, who would, without a doubt, feel disappointment if he'd learned that his son was friendless and ostracized. In his childmind there had to be a reason as to why the other children didn't like him. It’s just that Erwin didn't know what it was. 

He'd tried asking once and he'd gotten things like “strange,” "weird”, ''creepy,'' “know it all,” “eyebrows,” and on and on. He'd done his best to keep himself out of sight and out of the way since. 

The group of four passed him without notice, cheerful as they headed to the small brook. Erwin, when they did not notice him, scooched himself closer and parted the branches so he could see. 

They had taken their shoes and clothes off and left them, messily, on the bank. The sun was incredibly hot that day and Erwin watched, enviou, as they jumped, laughing, into the clear water. Soon after, he could hear - he had turned away from the sight of the group of friends, something he felt he would never have - as someone called for a game, a dare, _a challenge._

Erwin’s eyes were wide as he saw all of them go under. 

It was on his mind throughout the whole week but there was no way for him to try. Baths were something he was only allowed on the weekends, showers were much faster, when his father was home and not away or too busy with work. 

He waited until his Father’s footsteps faded down the hallway to his office. His body shaking with thrills as he'd smiled to himself, eyes glittering and determined. 

_30._ That was his aim. 

He'd been practicing in the night, right after his Father blew the candle light and said “Hoodnight Erwin and Sweetdreams.” He would close his eyes (for some reason it always helped to do so since that first time) and begun to count making sure to lie very still. He found that he was very good. Better than Henri who’d gone to 20 in the brook. 

No one would ever know but him. 

He practiced every Saturday in the bathtub for a month...until his Father found out. 

_Erwin!_

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The first night Erwin borrows a shirt from Uri. It’s very strange to call someone he just met, a grownup no less, by their name. He didn't have much in the way of spare clothes, nothing but his school bag, filled with his school work and books. He wondered why he had not thought to bring clothes with him...later he realized that he hoped he would come back home. Him and his Father. 

Uri’s shirt was too big and Erwin felt like he might cry again. He sniffed as quietly as he could. His tummy hurt and the toothpaste he used that night was very different from the one from home and so was the soap and everything. Erwin just really wanted to go _home._

He wasn’t sure what to think about anything. This didn't look like any orphanage Erwin had ever pictured. There we no children - something he wasn’t sure whether he appreciated or not - and he felt very small and alone. 

No one came to read to him, to tuck him in or kiss him goodnight and sweet dreams. 

He took a shuddering gasp as he realized that no one ever would. 

In the room in that other place he had foolishly held on to the hope that soon his Father would come for him and he would say “Sorry Papa” and then his dad would smile and say “It’s okay Erwin. Its okay. Let’s go home.” 

But Papa would never come for Erwin. They would never go home. 

Alone in the dark, in a new and strange place, Erwin cried quietly, biting his lip so that he wouldn’t make a sound. He remembered the sight of the tall man, Kenny, with his dark coat and mean look. He’d seemed like death but it was the quiet man, with the violet eyes, that left a trail of bright crimson blood. His Father's blood. 

Erwin didn’t believe him by any means when he said that he wasn’t to blame for his Papa’s death. He _knew_ it was him. Nothing would change that. 

_It was my fault._

He fell asleep with that resolute thought, salty tears pouring from his eyes. 

He didn't know what one did when they were to blame for their Father's death. All the people who ever did bad things were always punished and he was sure that, eventually, Uri would do the same to him or maybe it would be Kenny with that mean gleam in his eyes. 

Nothing happened on the second or third day, not even when he inquired after other children or school lessons. Later Uri told him about a new private tutor and then his Father's funeral. He felt his heart ache because the thought of school lessons had momentarily driven all thoughts from his Father's death away, of his guilt which only double with that realization. He had not thought of where his father would be buried at all...didn't even know what to do… 

Uri said that he was going to take care of it and he felt guilty all over again at his relief. 

He stared ahead as they lowered the casket underground. He heard them talk, the people whose names he didn’t even know about how he didn’t cry. 

“Such an odd child.” 

“A strange little boy.” 

“How creepy.” 

He’d never seen them...and surrounded, as he was, by all these strange people he felt very alone. Their hovering near him made them feel like vultures waiting to snatch him up. 

“Erwin. Erwin.” He glanced up. “Erwin we were so worried. Where have you been?” 

An embrace with a scent that was familiar, books and ink and parchment. Leo and Katia. His father’s friends, the ones from the bookstore. The one they had frequented often. 

From behind him the scent of tobacco wafted. Kenny. 

“Alright kid. It’s time to go.” 

He put a large hand on his shoulder. 

Katia’s grip tensed around Erwin’s hands, they lingered as if she considered not letting him go. 

“Who are you, Sir?” 

Kenny smiled. 

“Me? I’m just a guard sent to look after a new Lords ward.” 

“Ward? He...a Lords ward?” Leo’s voice wavered. “We would have happily taken Erwin in. Errol was a dear friend. I’m sur---” 

“S’too late for that. I reckon you both oughta say goodbye to the teacher’s kid. He ain’t gonna be hanging out with folks like you anymore.” Around Erwin’s shoulder Kenny's fingers felt like talons. 

Leo and Katia paled. They knew...Errol's accident, Erwin brief disappearance…it wasn’t a coincidence. Nothing inside these walls ever was. 

Katia felt her tears slide down her cheeks in sadness and remorse. Leo’s hands around hers were tight. They were silent as they watched young Erwin walk away with that tall, strange man’s arm around him. The crowd parted for them. Whoever that man was, made sure that everyone heard that Erwin was under a Lords “protection.” The grandiosity of the funeral was merrely a show of power. There was nothing any of them could do, least of all a couple that owned a book shop. 

Inside the carriage Erwin did his best to not cry. He could have stayed with Leo and Katia, he could have but...then they might die the same way as his Father. Because of him. 

He sniffed as quietly as he could. Kenny “tskd” and Erwin froze. For a minute he looked like might say something and then he turned around and drew his hat over his face, away from Erwin. It might have been the nicest thing he'd ever done for Erwin until he made him breakfast the next day. 

Governess Verena was a tall lady with a sharp look in her eyes and thin lips that almost always seemed to be flat until she realized how bright a student Erwin was and how willing and attentive he was to his lessons. It kept Erwin busy so he applied himself as much as he could even asking for extra reading material. 

“Master, Smith. It’s good to be studious but you should take a break once in a while as well. The mind too needs it’s rest” 

He listened but did not follow her advice. 

He needed to apply himself. Needed to keep his mind occupied so that he wouldn’t think about his Papa and the little house with the blue door and the guilt that would never disappear. 

Erwin’s new life was routine and he welcomed it despite the looks Uri and Kenny gave him. He knew he wasn’t like any other children and now he never would be. Why could they not see that? He politely declined Uri’s invitation to take a walk out to the lake. He still had not seen it and he probably never would. It was better to stay indoors where he wouldn’t cause any trouble with his strangeness. 

The cottage was quiet as Erwin worked his way through his Arithmetic lesson. The two men had left for the lake. It was perhaps the only time Erwin had seen them leave together. Sometimes he couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit envy (just like at the brook) because they had one another. They were friends and Erwin was sure that they must have been best friends because they were adults and Kenny mostly stayed for sleepovers. Erwin had been told to keep away from Kenny's room from the very beginning and then there was the other room with lots of books. That was Uri’s study and Erwin had felt a thrill to see so many books. On several occasions he'd wanted to ask if he could borrow a book but he felt he didn't deserve it. He was only thankful that since then someone had brought some of his things from home. 

He'd been at the cottage nearly 2 weeks when he started hearing noises at night. 

Thumps and bangs and other strange sounds coming from down the hall. He wasn't scared though. A long time ago his father had explained how sometimes houses creaked so he ignored it. Those noises continued but, so sparingly, that he ignored them. At least he meant to, until he heard a door open and then footsteps in the hall. They were so faint, as if they were dragging, that Erwin grew frightened and called out...only for silence to greet him. He huddled beneath the covers and when the footsteps did not approach, he was left to believe that Uri had simply gotten up to get water or use the bathroom. He ignored these noises and had learned to sleep as fast as could to avoid hearing them. 

Kenny was leaving that morning Uri told him, eyes tired looking and face pale. 

_Maybe, he’s not sleeping very well._

He wondered whether he should say something to Kenny remembering how worried he'd been when Uri bleed from his nose and how he hovered over him the way his Papa used to do so when he was sick. 

__

Erwin watched the grey clouds covering the sky before diner. It was just him and Uri, something he learned to enjoy. Uri had started asking him questions recently and Erwin always made sure to answer them politely. 

__

“It looks like it’s going to rain tonight. Are you frightened of storms Erwin?” 

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Erwin wasn’t or at least he had his counting method that his Papa had taught him. 

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“Oh. You must be very brave.” Uri smiled. “I was scared of storms till I was 13.” 

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It would be the first time Erwin would go through a storm without his Father so he made sure to fall asleep as fast as he could. 

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He made it to 47 sheep before he fell asleep. 

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He woke up when he felt the mattress dip and he opened his eyes when he felt a weight on top of him. 

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A shadow was above him and when the lightning flashed Erwin saw Uri’s face. 

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“Uri?” 

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His face did not react to his name, in fact it hardly changed, as if he were frozen. His face was blank and his eyes were closed. 

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Erwin’s heart accelerated at the strange sight of him. He waited, thinking it might be a dream and dug his nails into the palm of his hands. It hurt and then he tried to rise up. 

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Uri eyes opened and they flashed glowing violet. 

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There was a loud slap that drowned in the thunder. 

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Erwin’s eyes watered. The left side of his cheek throbbed. So hard Uri had slapped him, that he fell back onto the bed, head turned with the force of it. 

__

He was still in shock, having never been struck or done anything that would warrant that level of discipline. He whimpered and he raised his hand - they were slapped away. Erwin closed his eyes, fear overwhelming him so that he couldn’t move. He felt Uri’s hand turn his head so that it was centered. Erwins eyes opened, tears streaming hotly and sliding down onto the pillow. 

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“Shhh.” Uri uttered, his hold on his chin became harsher, his nails digging into Erwin’s face. When Erwin tried to move again Uri’s repeated that, “Shhh” softly. 

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Erwin froze when he saw him smile. The weight on top of him increased and then Uri’s other hand came and cupped his face. The violet glow of his eyes was frightening Erwin more than anything as he realized that it was not a figment of his imagination as he had thought like in that room or in the carriage. 

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Uri squeezed his neck, fingers cold, and Erwin gagged. 

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He tried to throw him off. He tried kicking his legs uselessly. He tried scratching and hitting at Uri’s hands and arms as hard as he could. 

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Uri didn't flinch. 

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He coughed and gagged and the tears in his eyes flowed endlessly. The rivulets of saliva soaked the pillow. He could not scream. He could not get enough air.

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He was lightheaded, his eyes blinking slowly, his kicking and hitting lessening…

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“Erwin!” 

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His father pulled him from the warm water. He took a big gulp of air, coughing once then thrice. 

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“What are you doing?!” 

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His Father’s large hands were on his arms, shaking him. 

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“Dear Sina, what were you trying to do?” Erwin’s eyes were wide, he’d never seen his Father so frightened. 

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“I...I was practicing holding my breath.” 

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His word got muffled as his father embraced him. 

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“Please, please don't ever do that. You scared me Erwin.” He held him tighter before letting go. Erwin felt shame as he saw his father's shirt soaked. When he met his eyes they matched his own watery ones. 

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“Promise you will never do that again Erwin. Promise me!” 

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The desperation he saw in his father’s eyes is what Erwin remembered. 

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“I promise.” 

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He never held his breath underwater again. 

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The lightning flashed and Erwin took as big a gulp of air as he could and then he held his breath. 

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He went still beneath Uri’s weight. 

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He counted higher than he had ever done before, until the hands around his neck loosened. 

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Even when he heard the scream he held his breath. He continued to do so until he heard Uri scrambling down the hall and down the stairs. 

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The thundered boomed and Erwin finally took a breath. 

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He wheezed, his throat scratched and ached but he dared not move. He tried his best to listen for footsteps on the stairs over the pounding of his heart. He bit his trembling lip so hard he tasted blood. He laid there in the dark, faint and loopy, still feeling the phantom weight on top of him and those hands around his neck. The stinging on his cheek, on his neck, in his sore throat, and bitten lip prove that he was alive. But he felt cold and numb. 

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He wanted to get up but he couldn’t, not yet. From the corner of his eye, he watched the open door; frightened that at any moment Uri would appear and find him once more. 

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He never did and when Erwin finally felt good enough to move he did. He rolled over and fell onto the cold floor. He froze sure that Uri would come thundering up the stairs. He did not. 

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Erwin felt it then, some of his strength come back to him. 

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He got up from the floor and closed the door slowly and quietly and then went to his bedside drawer and took his Father’s watch. He wrapped it tightly in a handkerchief and stuffed it in a pouch with all his spending money and allowance. He put his slippers on and made his way to the window. The night was dark and the tree next to his window looked different but Erwin no longer cared for anything. 

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He was a runaway thief now, a runaway murderer that had escaped death twice. 

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The cold rain soaked him immediately. He slipped from the branch to the ground, his slippers heavy and sinking in the mud. He left them and took to the woods and ran as hard and as fast as he could. He tripped and got back up as many times as necessary. The thorns from wild bushes shredded his cloak, face, and hands. But Erwin continued to run. 

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He was numb to everything even the pain of his scratchy throat. He kept looking forward as he stumbled in the dark. He fell down the slope of a hill. He lost his cloak slipping and rolling and even then he did not stop. He coughed the mud he swallowed and watched the lightning flash as he lay on the cold mud. He caught his breath and continued his way on mud soaked socks until there was no more woods ahead. 

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Kenny eyed the slippers buried in the mud. 

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“Fuck.” 

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The rain had still not let up. Tracking the brat would be nearly impossible. 

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He went back inside. Uri was still shaking on the chair he left him at. He got up when he came in, his hands bandaged as he looked at Kenny, eyes haunted. 

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“Kid took off. Gonna take a while finding him in this fucking storm.” 

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“But he’s alright!?” Uri’s hands were holding onto his coat, so closed that the front of his fucking nightgown was getting soaked. 

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Kenny took his hand gently and stepped back. 

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“He’s fine. Got some fucking guts running away into a storm at night.” _Little shits a survivor._

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Kenny doesn’t say that he thinks the kids probably hurt badly somewhere. Uri does not need that on top of the shit show that's about to happen. 

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Uri looks down at their entwined hands, his are still trembling. This is probably the first time that Kenny’s presence is not enough. He takes a tremulous breath. 

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“We - I have to tell him...I have to tell Rod.” 

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“Check the barn and make sure it’s not so flooded in there.” 

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The girl grumbles, picking up her skirts as she makes her way to the barn. She stops and curses when she sees the door open. She drops her skirt hems and rushes to make sure her father doesn't come up and see its open. She knows he won’t listen when she tells him it was the strong winds of the storm that probably blew the doors open. 

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She stops when she sees muddy footsteps leading behind the barrels, towards the back of the barn. She takes hold of the pitchfork on the wall and makes her way inside, cautiously. 

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“Alma what are you doing?! Come back inside! The storms getting worse. There’s no point in stacking hay today, maybe later when it lets out.” 

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Alma freezes, eyes locked onto large blue eyes. 

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“Coming Pa!” 

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She turns around and closes the barn door and runs back to the house. 

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Her mother nags at her for going out with out her shaw. She keeps quiet, for once deciding not to talk back, thinking of the trembling child in the barn with her old, scratchy shaw. 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you know who the new character is...otherwise well you'll find out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps not very exciting but I enjoyed writing it.

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Uri feels dwarfed by the grandiosity of the Reiss ancestral home.He waits in the foyer, sitting on the antique sofa, in the back of his mind a memory supplies that it had been a gift to one of the wives, perhaps a grandmother or some other relation of his. In more ways than one, This place feels like an empty mausoleum, one which harbours ghosts in the form of memories. 

Felman, the butler, comes back with a tray of tea and despite Uri not being able to stomach anything, he still thanks him for remembering to bring his favored almond cookies. Were he to bite into one he is sure that they would be ash. He makes no attempt to reach for a cup of tea and neither does Kenny. He must be impatient at Rod not being here to greet them immediately. Uri does not fault him, Unlike him, he has a wife to see to. 

As he watches the steam emanate from the hot tea, he realizes that he lived here for nearly half his life and yet, feels like a complete stranger. He longs to ring his fingers but he makes himself be still. The ticking of the clock in the middle of the double-sided stairs is loud in the echo chamber of the mansion. Lightning flashes across the high glass windows and Uri jumps up, startled by the unexpected flash of it. 

He’s so nervous and he isn’t sure whether he can take not knowing anything any longer. His breathing is comes out in loud gasps and Kenny looks to him from where he is leaning against a pillar. Uri can’t help but flinch, looking away in shame. 

_How? How can you not be disgusted by what I’ve done?!”_

He longs to ask that just as much as he dreads it. 

Uri’s stomach churns with nausea, with guilt. With knowing that he could have potentially taken a life - a child's life - by his own hands. He knows the Reiss, the Fritz, aren’t without blood on their hands yet he’d been so sure _his_ would never be stained the way many of the others had been. Another whimsical, naive, hope of his. Looking back could it really be said that his hands had not been stained blood until last night? No. 

One does not need to pull the trigger to kill. 

Had that not been an early lesson taught by his resident ghosts. Order them and they shall do your bidding. They shall obey your commands. They are but subjects and you are their King. _Their God._

He stares at his hands, the traitorous, murderous things. He feels disjointed from his body. It is no longer his. To feel like a stranger, an intruder, in his own body is a fragmented state of being. 

_Fragmented_ it fits his existence he thinks as he examines the long scratches on his wrist and forearms. 

Down the hall a door creaks open, _Rod._

“Uri, what's the matter? Is everything alright at the cottage? Has the roof started to leak?” 

Behind him Uri spots his sister in law, Sieglinde, nod at him and then retreat elsewhere in the large building. 

“Uri?” 

He turns his gaze back at him. Thunder claps and he jumps. He swallows his reluctance. 

“I’ve come to tell you something...something that’s happened, that I’ve done…” 

He watches the smile vanish from his brothers face. A familiar look hides beneath Rods carefully serious facade. It is only now as he tells him of Errol Smith and his son that he recognizes it for what it is. _Fear._

__

Perhaps he has always known that his elder brother fears him. Ever since he first awoke beneath the bright blue glow of the crystal cave. There had been relief and pity then hope then disappointment and finally, fear, that he saw in Rods eyes. In another time, it might have been he who would have shown fear to his brother. It might have been him who would learn to cover that fear with words and acts of worship. But, in the end, even Rod can’t hide his anger when it comes to the mistakes his younger brother continues to make. 

__

Uri’s never taken the time, perhaps has never wanted to admit it, but, as Rod turns white and then purple, with anger, he realizes how alike to their father he looks. And whereas before he might have felt fear or uncertainty it shocks him to now be overcome by anger and indignation. 

__

There is clarity in his mind. The viciously pleased voices are no more. His mind feels empty and his anger is his alone and not product or influenced by anything but his own righteous fury.

__

It should have been Rod who inherited their family's legacy. He was the elder brother. It was him to whom Uri looked up to. Him, who tried, again and again, to have their father vanquish the titans and as a consequence ended up behind bars on his orders. But… 

__

He comes into focus just as Rod, taller and stronger than him, grasps him by his collar and nearly lifts him off the floor. 

__

. 

__

. 

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_“What are you waiting for, Rod? Do it!”_

__

_Their father calls from the dais, chains clanking as he tries to raise his fists angrily._

__

_Uri’s heart is beating terribly in his chest. The brightness of the blue crystal is blinding and the cold hard facets of the mineral make their fathers furious screams echo. He is suffocating and he’s not even the target of Fathers anger._

__

_He closes his eyes and when he opens them a calmness overcomes him._

__

_He looks to his father. He is angry and after he will learn, desperate to end and pass on the burden, the curse that the Reiss bare. His eyes shift to Rod. There are tears in his eyes, his teeth are clenched and his hands tremble, the sharp point of the needle not quite piercing his forearm. Uri gulps._

_Everyone of them is fearful. This is the first time in which all of the Reiss men are on the same page._

_Fear is such a powerful thing._

_That’s what he thinks as he takes, step after step, towards Rod. His heart thuds loudly but his mind is quiet. This is my time to be brave he thinks._

_“This time I will be brave.”_

_He embraces Rod and holds him until he stops shaking and then takes the syringe from his sweat-slicked hand. He looks to his father and it is then that he finally sees pride in his eyes. It would be the first and the last time._

_He tells those fateful cursed words to Rod,- "I will not lose to the memories of our ancestors." - ones that would eventually become a naive promise, and plunges the needle into his forearm._

_Heat is all he knows and feels and tastes and then there is only hunger._

_There’s relief and peace in his father’s eyes. He’s smiling as Uri reaches for him, a smile that he only remembers from childhood, before he too devoured his own father._

_Blood is warm, is his last coherent thought. Bone, not as strong._

_Before him lie endless intertwining paths and loose pages of books. In the ocean that has become his mind he learns why their mother died._

_She took her life, unable to bare the thought of losing her children. Of watching them become monsters._

_Their history comes next. The truth and the lies and the blood and gore._

_He wakes up feeling numb, unsure of why he wants to cry or for who or what? Rod is next to him, helping him sit up. When he looks into Uri’s eyes the truth must be written on his face. He is changed and he will do nothing to change what is and what will continue being._

_The burden is passed on and already Uri feels himself weakening. Himself drowning amongst all the echoing voices residing in him._

_For 8 years he does not change._

. 

. 

_Change._

Uri stares into Rods furious face, spittle flies at him as his brother continues screaming at him. Kenny comes behind Rod and locks his arm around his neck pulling him back. 

_Fear._

Uri has always been afraid. He still is. Perhaps, even more so as he recalls his hands wrapped around that slender neck. He thinks of Erwin, young and small and _only a child_ with his hands held out, ready to face a punishment for which most would flinch or never so willingly face the consequences of. Such determined and fearless eyes. 

“Rod.” his voice is quiet but strong. 

“It should have been you that inherited this monster.” he clutches his heart as his brother stills and turns pale. 

“I don't regret what I did, I don't think...” he trails off and looks at him. _No more lies._ “I know you are afraid of me, of what I’ve become or am becoming. I am to. I did not know they could do that, That it would be so easy for me to let them do that...” 

He pulls his sleeves up and allows Rod to look at the angry scratches. He has not let them heal as they should. He does not tell Rod that he hardly ever uses the power that having titan blood course through him gives him. He still longs to feel _human._

“I can’t do this alone. I have never been as brave as you, brother.” He looks imploringly at Rod. “But...I was not the only one that has changed. You have as well.” 

Rod’s eyes are wide. 

“Can you help me? Can we try...I am unsure if I, _we_ can change anything. But this, Errol Smith, his son...maybe it’s a new...chance. This could be the first step in trying to reach that once upon a time childhood dream.” He does not say it. 

Rod is quiet but for his breathing which is loud and noisy. Kenny has long let him loose. Uri is still looking at him, waiting for his reply. 

It is the truth, everything which he has said about them both. He shivers aware of what he could have become. A puppet. But, has he not become one, regardless? Because he so easily accepted the futality and impossibility that was his dream of getting rid of the titans and of freeing humanity. 

Rods stares at his younger brother, Uri, whimsical Uri, delicate and much like he had been their fathers favorite, Uri had been their mothers. They had never held that against each other, their roles having been decided from very young and yet when it came time, Uri proved to be braver of the two. His bitterness is overcome by the sincerity of his younger brothers pleading gaze. He still does not know the truth of their world. Perhaps he never will, perhaps it would have changed him. 

But, for the first time since Uri inherited the Founding Titan, Rod _feels_ his whimsical brother. 

_I will be brave. Once again._

“What is it you want me to do?” 

“Help me find Erwin.” His voice is sure as he looks behind Rod, to Kenny. “I _know_ he is alive.” 

_And he is sure of that._ The ‘why’ is not important. Not now. Not yet. 

“Alright.” 

Uri smiles broadly, relief flooding him. The storm rages on outside but for the first time, in a long time, Uri feels a sense of control. He has Rod and Kenny to lean on, to count on. This, finding Erwin and bringing him back, is another step in going against the echoes and the once unchanged path stretched before him. 

He does not know if he, no, _they,_ will be successful but they will take this one step at a time. Already he has done several all on his own, he has veered off that path the moment he met Kenny Ackerman and formed a bond with him and then with sparing Erwin’s life and now with Rod as he learns to trust in him once more. 

No longer will he be their puppet, He has decided to not make it so easy for them, 

One step at a time. 

The voices are quiet, only whispers, furious waiting whispers, but just that. It wont be easy, nothing ever is. They come back to him a tidal wave of anger. He feels weak again and before he can say anything else, blood slides down his nose and onto his robe. Punishment. Retaliation. 

He lifts his hand to wipe his nose and watches the blood evaporate. They mean to remind him of what he’s become. 

_Not just whispers or memories or thoughts._

It is not good to underestimate them but to not try...surely they can do that. He looks at Kenny reach in his pocket and pull out a handkerchief of his own. 

_Change,_ he thinks is something all can do. 

Kenny steps forward and holds the handkerchief to his nose. It is the silence that his proximity allows that make’s Uri come to a realization. 

They do not _know_ of their bond. They do not understand. 

_“And that will make all the difference.”_

This time the voice sounds different, not as hollow or faraway. It sounds closer, a quiet and sure whisper, in Uris ear as he falls forward, into Kenny’s waiting arms, unconscious. 

_Find Erwin Smith._

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wondered about their relationship and hope I was able to convey the intricacies of the Reiss brothers.

**Author's Note:**

> Please Comment and Kudos if you can. Thank you! <3 :)


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